The beauty of the times we had.
13 Jun 2009 3 Comments
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^ Amazing song!^
Supposed to go shopping today, it never happened. Mhm. Had a pity invite from Lella, loosy and TB to come with them, but excepting pity invites is so blah. + I couldn’t go.
Wow.. instead of bawling over our class being split apart, I’m just gonna say Thank God I had the times I did. 8 years of sweet bliss. We still have one more. One. Never wouldda imagined the end so near, 4 years ago, it just seemed like our class was permanent. Whatever.
I’m listening to angry rock right now.. GARGH! Makes me feel like strangling a teddy bear. Ahahaha.. just kidding. But omigod, it smells like memories. Have you ever smelt memories? That’s odd… but there’s a certain smell that reminds me of something that’s happened in the past.
So, my biggest concern nowadays is about Jo and Ry Ry. 2 of my bestestest friends outside of school. Next year, RyRy is 18! Wow.. it’s worse than the situation with our class. When you’ve known someone for as long as you can remember, and all your best memories were ones shared with these people, their growing up and becoming adults is really hard. Or maybe only on me? But anyways, both of them are super-distant lately. We used to be SO close. We haven’t been to their house since January 2007. 2 years! We used to be everything together, eachother’s closest friends. I reminisce about all the sleepovers,campouts,playdates, summer days… the last time we were together was this January. Before I was even 13. Over 6 months ago. When we try talking to them, they seem like they don’t even give a crap about seeing us. We invite them to the movies? ” I’m comfy at home, and I’m busy with my online friends.” W/E Jo.
>:(
Yeah, time changing and places changing are hard to deal with. But when people change, it’s the hardest.
Goodbye good memories.
Love is just a lie + omigod life.
11 Jun 2009 1 Comment
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So, I just got back from the annual Goldeyes trip. It was fun, there were some good moments, but I think I’m going to come clean and say it was all the food that made it superior.( Like a true walrus, eh sim?) I got loads of candy and the poutine was to die for. 
I can’t go to the Splash Island trip tomorrow though :[ Which sucks, because I want to use every last moment of this year that I possibly can, but yeah it's not going to happen tomorrow.
UGH and then there's my ridiculous " Wonders Of The World" project- my mother and I have to get to work fast * is due tomorrow*
THEN there's the issue of going dress-shopping and (hopefully) getting a much-needed haircut. Whew! Even when you want to sit there and think about past & future, the present needs some attention too or else you get behind in things. I wrote a poem last night, it's sort of long and it's a rough draft, I thought it was pretty sad, I don't truly understand why exactly I just sat down and wrote this but here goes:
The warrior fought for truth
yet he lies in a field prepared to die
his last heartbeat is lingering;
The last thought in his mind is why?
He had always told himself
with a smile in his heart
that he had fallen in love;
hit by Cupid and his dart.
He told all who would listen
how beautiful his life turned out to be
all his fear and anguish;
seemed like history.
She gave him new found hope
made him believe he could succeed
But secretly inside;
she marched to a different melody.
One night he came to her doorstep
dreaming of her face
he smelt his pretty flower;
and his heart picked up it's pace.
She answered within seconds
and it was who she had supposed
"I don't want you in my life!"
She said while tearing up the rose.
Her words felt like a knife
They left a scar so deep
He promised he was worthless;
a promise he would keep.
Every rose has it's thorn
And this one cost a life
The warrior gave up fighting;
Because he though he found his wife.
Tangled in emotion
the warrior's almost dead
His heartbeat stops it's beating;
as his lungs give their final breath.
Now safe in angel's arms
tears of love flow from his eyes
as he begins to realize,
love is just a lie.
found this picture on the 'Net.
“The school year is coming to a close; the wilting of another rose.”
10 Jun 2009 3 Comments
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For me, June has sort of forced the things I’ve pushed to the the back of my mind come to the very front- they’ve got to go though. June is signifying the end of so many things, and everyone involved can’t do anything about it. We have to just sit here and let it happen, counting down the very last of our days that are left.
All we can do is enjoy them- but it’s hard to enjoy something that is so close— if the end of this year was like an object on the road, we’d see it just around the corner… and we’d be driving along, not wanting to get to that point where we’re going to have to turn; turn onto a different road with different faces and different places, but again.. we have no choice.
I suppose some people will embrace the change; but change is… change. it’s drastic. when you fall into a routine you’re so used to, the change makes you uneasy. Such a thing is a weakness I suppose? Not handling change? Or maybe the weakness is not wanting change. Because whether or not we need it, it’ll be there. And the truth is, we need it. Everything can’t stay the same… I wish it could sometimes.But it can’t. If we don’t want it, we’re blocking out the possibilities beyond the change.
But back to June… This month should be a happy one! I love May and June, they’re the months right before the uncomfortable heat comes about.
![Beautiful spring blossoms =]](http://images-1.redbubble.net/img/art/size:large/view:main/381681-7-cherry-blossom-spring-infrared.jpg "Spring Blossoms")
Beautiful spring blossoms =
But I am feeling quite bleak. I think it’s the fact that I think we were robbed of a proper school year- time has blended SO immensely this year, it’s gotten confusing. First, it feels like it’s been so short and rapidly over. But there are moments when I look back on memories of THIS year and find myself saying, ” that was this year!? I thought that was last year… seems so long ago.” So that’s why I think time has blended in such a way that it just seems fast; but it’s been longer than it should usually seem in previous years.
I’m dissapointed that this year is ending, but w/e, what’s going to happen will happen.
Today at school Mr. Creepy Eyes just decided to take a disliking to Sim- it was sort of hilarious in Library. I know sim will blog about it, but I can’t resist writing it down too:
CREEPY EYES: You need to work on your math.
SIM: Yeah…
CREEPY EYES: You have friends that could help you…. right? * glares at us*
US: Yeah of course…
CREEPY EYES: Because YOU NEED HELP.
Wow. That’s so pleasant of you to say to her, Mr. C-E. *rolls eyes*
After this Shayla remarked that he said ” I don’t want to hear you guys!” and it took her all her self-control to keep from saying,”Then leave!”
Hehe.
Bye for now.
Today: Library. Tomorrow:Goldeyes. 
The song I’m ♥’ing right now:Rainy Day Song- Chase Coy
Chase Coy doing what he does best.
Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired.
10 Jun 2009 1 Comment
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So I was dreading Monday, but it turned out to be fairly average and not as dread-worthy as I’ve previously assumed. Well.. me and Sim were sort of advertising our blog and it turned out to be somewhat close to a disaster.. 10 guys surrounding one computer, reading Sim’s blog about LOVE. Yikes. They almost read my poetry which was worrisome, but they didn’t have the attention span. This entry is LONG overdo because it was a draft from Monday.. so I guess I’m going to skip to today because Monday isn’t fresh enough in my mind to write about.
So, Tuesday. Today. Which will soon be yesterday, and was once tomorrow…
Sorry that was random, but I couldn’t help thinking about it. How much time just blends… if people didn’t bother to keep track, we would all just be living. We would just go about our lives, unaware of age besides the physical attributes of age, and we wouldn’t have that control in our lives to tell time or know what day of the week certain things happened…
OKAY I’ll discontinue this subject, because I’m on rant therapy. I have to realize that going on about “what if’s” all the time isn’t going to get me anywhere, because it will always be a W/I. ( what if). Time does exist, so we take advantage of it, or not in some cases. So… back to Tuesday…
Something inside me was off today, it’s like I felt like being defiant in a way. I have those days, where I feel like disagreeing just because I can. I think it’s just the Sewing segment of my day that ripped me up, swallowed me, then vomited me back up, expecting me to not have a crushed ego whatsoever. Keeping it short and sweet: I CANNOT SEW EVEN IF MY VERY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.
Okay, I’m needin to go.
sorry, and bye. I’ll have a more complex entry soon.
Arghh! + Lonely bird.
07 Jun 2009 3 Comments
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So the weekend is finally winding down. There’s something about Sundays that makes me anxious, knowing there’s school tomorrow and that this is the day I should be doing the studying and homework. But instead I lie around all day procrastinating, worrying about not doing this stuff but all the while telling myself I’ll eventually do it.
Gr.
I have the desire to make a list of things I really need to do, soon.:
•Study for Science test..which is tomorrow.
•Study for Math test…which is also tomorrow. (I hate you Mr. Creepy Eyes)
•Find missing library book which I have no clue where the hell it is
•Pay for Goldeyes trip
•Choose activity day activities
•Clean porch
•make sure house is tidy
• have shower
•lose 10 lbs
•get haircut + eyebrows waxed ( I seriously am sporting some sexy manbrows at the moment.)
So that’s my list… Oh plus we have a project for friday which requires me to re-create the Petronas Towers… arghh. This is June! Can’t we just sit here waiting for school to finish? Ugh, and also I have to buy a dance ticket, get a dress, have haircut before then, etc,etc, etc, my list WILL NEVER END!
And instead of doing anything about it, what do I chose to do?
Sleep.
On Thursday I think it was. I was outside weeding and my mom and I heard this bird, it sounded like
it was crying. It was this sad, desperate tone to it; like it was asking for someone, anyone, to help it. After my mom left inside I sat there for minute contemplating what would cause this poor bird such grief. Maybe it’s mate died? That possibility made me very sympathetic towards this bird. Which got me thinking… many women + men lose their mate everyday, but since they’re humans they can’t just sit there for hours, sobbing desperately to hold the hand of their loved one once again. They are expected to go on with life; expected to “get over it” within a few months time. That made me sort of sad… innocent people dying, leaving their soulmate lost and alone.
>:(
Mouth in a straight line.
07 Jun 2009 3 Comments
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Have you ever had that feeling where something bad is happening but you have the strong urge to smile? Or is it just me? That makes me sound like a horrible person that is amused by other people’s pain.. which I am not. But my point is that there are those other moments where something happens, or I’m simpy sitting there thinking, and the desire to smile is completley not there. No matter how I try, I can’t make myself smile. It’s the moments where I know that things aren’t the way they should be, where life has something against me. I could think of the most hilarious thing on earth and my mouth would remain in a straight line.
Today I was thinking of perfection, and how so many people are always using the word.. ” Omg, he is SO perfect!” and etc..
And I’m fully aware of the popular saying, ” nobody’s perfect.”
So if nobody’s perfect, what is perfection? If it’s never existed, (hence ‘nobody’s perfect) then how does anyone know what perfection is in the first place?
That’s been nagging at me for quite the while. Nice to get if off my shoulders. I was also looking at the sky tonight and I was thinking about everybody’s dreams. Like imagine if all the billions of stars were people’s dreams in the sky, not yet reached. There are so many because people believe they can never achieve their dreams; they are dreams for a reason- imagined; not reality. I was thinking about my dreams- and realized that my dreams were sort of nonexistent. I don’t quite know what un ultimate dream of mine would be. Like it’s depressing to imagine being just another human on earth, not making a difference at all, just existing there. Some people are remembered in history because they fought against this; they fought to shake it up, not fall in line like the rest of people. I sometimes dream about being like that, making a difference just so I feel like I’ve done something important in my life.
Eh. I don’t know. I think the main thing that brings me back out of a depressed mood is knowing there is always potential to grow. I don’t like my weight? I have the potential to lose weight. Don’t like my hair? I have the potential to get a haircut. So, not satisfied with where I’m at in life? There’s the potential to do something amazing. it sort of helps you, but at the same time, it’s like procrastinating. Instead of making a change immediatly I have the “potential” to do it in the future.
~~~~~~~
Today we went to Winnipeg to browse the mall and then see the movie ” Land Of The Lost.” I wasn’t really planning on buying anything, but the want was there. I’m saving up money for when we go to Minneapolis in September for the American Idols live! tour. >:)
I did learn one thing: Never tell your dad you think your fat. They will always go out of their way to prove you aren’t. We sat on a bench for 5 minutes while my dad pointed out women who were “fat” compared to me.
>:P
There’s this song, “dumbing down of love” by Frou Frou, that really gets me. The lyrics are so sad, but at the same time it’s like it’s saying ” yeah, this is reality, but we must grow used to it. We know of no other feeling in our heart, so this is it.”
Like the lyric:
Jaded in anger
Love underwhelms you
No box of chocolates
Whichever way you fall.
This picture is wondeful.
This post has sort of been all over the place, but it’s just letting some stuff off my chest. Whew!
Awkward Situation Solver
05 Jun 2009 6 Comments
in 1
So,we all get them. Those awkward situations where you don’t quite know what to do with yourself. You look around desperately, hoping some form of escape is within grasp. Oftentimes, it’s not there. So your forced to stand there,letting all the awkwardness consume you. (eek?)
And that’s exactly what happened to me and Sim today… at least we had each other. It would’ve been 10X worse had I been alone or her. here’s how it unfolded:
We were walking outside into the cold rainy mist at lunch hour at school with our dear friend Tootlebuttons. We had been aware that there was some form of drama going on, but (of course) me and Sim weren’t in the know. We saw the group of kids from our class in a lopsided cirle talking amongst themselves seriously. Then Linn brakes off from the malformed circle and walks over to us three.
The whole scene started uneasy as I ask awkwardly enough ” What’s wrong?” as I notice her eyes were swelled with tears. She says, “oh nothing.” I could have left it at that. That would have been fantastic. But no, I continue my awkward questioning with “when did all this happen?” which seems to be an inappropriate question coming from someone not ‘ in-the-know’. She politely replies, “All what?” Using unnecessary hand movements I counter with “You know, the stuff that’s making you cry and stuff.” Must I add the dreaded ‘and stuff’ to the end of everything I say!? Thus the awkward-ness begins. Or perhaps it already had, but now it was evident for any bystander that an awkward situation was about to take place.
She quietly says, ” like 2 seconds ago.” and this time, it’s Sim’s turn to say something unnecessary: ” Actually it was like a minute ago, but you know..” I side-glance to Sim,seeing that we both are officially uncomfortable now.
Linn now falls into Tootlebutton’s arms and begins to hug her. Ok, sure. Go for it. Why it’s TB that get’s the hug beats me, but we must go along with it anyways. a quick hug is a nice thing to do for comfort so it didn’t bother us. 10 seconds…20 seconds…. me and sim can now feel the awkwardness creep up into us. We stare at each other, both fully aware that this has officially become an Awkward Mo
ment.
So, in a situation like this, what do you do?
Well, have no fear, we have the answer.
You…. Break into dance.
yes, it’s strange but true. It’s like your dancing away all your awkwardness. You must try it next time you are stuck in a Awkward Moment!
