Now whatever happened to the girl in the corner…I break you down, big city sound girl.
13 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
I have to end this.
It’s not because of Sim, it’s not because I’ve tired of blogging. It’s because I need closure. Things have come full circle for me. I no longer need this. I no longer want this. I have stuff to figure out. Things have changed. From different platforms; I’ve realized you can’t always continue doing something…even if it’s what people want from you, or if its whats expected of you. The moment it drags you down rather than lifts you up is the moment when you need to stop.
I’m stopping this.
am I being overly dramatic? possibly. But reality is, I’m not getting anything from it. It’s like a diary. It’s personal, no one reads it, yet it’s online. I remember when it was important because I knew someone was reading it. Like, I could tell them something subtly without telling them directly. Let them know what I was thinking. But to be honest, I’ve kind of let my social life dwindle. I’ve developed a “I don’t care” attitude over everything; everyone. I can sit around all day not worrying about my popularity status or whether or not I’m invited to that movie or the next.
I don’t care.
Is it a bad thing? Perhaps. In a way it’s refreshing…but if someone cared about me, maybe then I’d care. Right now I’m not so sure.
My change needs to come, soon. I’ve been in an endless, repetitive rut that keeps pulling me further into my “I don’t care”-dom.
Last year was stellar. At least, according to my recollection. Maybe it wasn’t as good as my mind portrays it to be. I made a very good friend. At least I think. It went light years slower than this year; and if I were to tell myself that last year I would never believe time could possibly travel any faster.
This year proved that wrong.Since the first day to the present day everything has blended. The year is almost finished. It is so unnatural. My body, my mind, is still with the ending of the last. Why? I don’t know. This year shaved off some naivety associated with a certain friendship. Don’t believe your friends are reliable until they show you they are. Because trust me, they aren’t always. They will step on you on your climb to the top.
I’ve fallen to the bottom thanks to you.
A friend can’t possibly be worth your time if they can cause such throbbing anger that pulses from the tips of your fingers to the tops of your toes; your blood burning through your veins in pure disgust over them.
Betrayal of the most subtle variety.
For them, they got what they wanted; needed from me. They said all the right things, they laughed. they played the game. Which is fine.
But what if I wasn’t playing a game?
What if I had valued the friendship…what if I actually cared? what if I was proud to have such a solid relationship?…what if I knew we had something more than everyone else did? What if I had known all along?
then we wouldn’t be in this situation now would we.
Anyways, why dwell on someone who would never do the same for you, right?
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I found the song Big City Sound Girl finally. The group that sings the song are called the Lytics. They hail from Wpg surprisingly!
One casual listen on the radio one day last year started all of this, and with the lyrics fittingly in the title, I’ll let them end it too.
Now matter what happens, I know who to trust, and when. I know life can and will get better from time to time. The only way it can get better is fo rit to get worse. So for the time being; I’m going to go with the flow. The mind-numbing flow. The year is going to end, and maybe I’ll post on that day; and that day only. But with all my confidence ensured, I bid this blog goodbye.
<3
